i saw a live possum on the road today.
-----
this journey has been extraordinarily crazy. although it is in every bit interesting, i wouldn't want to go through the whole thing again. not ever.
today we had a big fight. something that we will never forget.
i hope this teaches us how biting the cold can get. the flame is flickering, love. what do we do now?
and today too, marks our first time ever to sleep on an unresolved disagreement. i think i'd be tossing and turning in my cold bed tonight.
why does it have to take us to a major squabble to realize that there are two of us in this relationship now? that not only do we make decisions for our own selves everytime we agree to do something, but also we have to consider the other too. this is how it ought to be.
there's no room for selfishness now.
i dunno, love.
this is really crappy.
at the end of the day, love has been forgotten. =,(
love is what is left at the end of the day.
From: melbourne, victoria, Australia
About me: i'm a wanderlust and a warrior of life. i have hordes of nomads and soldiers waiting to wander this sometimes barren and sometimes lush landscape of my head. i send them forth. they are my words. my weapon of choice: purple prose
posted by lei at 7:09 PM
a short entry for day 20
you got your application fee and medical exam fee today.
yipeedo!!
and nick sent the documents today too. so this means the engine has been heated. go rev it up, sweetie. and go.
we're all settled then.
the waiting game is nearly over. and after this, i'm never playing it again. it slowly kills the spirit, and feels a bit like torture.
so now that we've got everything ironed out, we can finally put an end to this pain of separation. finally.
yipeedo!!
and nick sent the documents today too. so this means the engine has been heated. go rev it up, sweetie. and go.
we're all settled then.
the waiting game is nearly over. and after this, i'm never playing it again. it slowly kills the spirit, and feels a bit like torture.
so now that we've got everything ironed out, we can finally put an end to this pain of separation. finally.
Sunday, March 25, 2007
twenty-one. the month's almost gone.
be your own, pastor.
* i spent time with God today love. in the privacy and peace of my own room. spent time reading my pinkbook, talking to Him, listening to Him. i didn't sing though. coz my singing prowess might awaken God and make him realize he didn't endow me with enough.
ermz will take care of the medical exam fee.
* huwaw!!! as i said two days ago, God knows our hearts' desires. and He knows what we need. and without even asking, He gives us everything. everything is falling into place, dearest. let's always be thankful.
-----
tummy's upset today love. i dunno why. but i don't really care.
coz we've got the NOIM already!!!!
tomorrow, tita's sending the documents over to you.
have a great sunday, love. we're back to normal hours today. so we're only 2 hours ahead. yipee. so what this means for you is that you don't have to stay up until 2am to wake me up at 5am. haha. thanks for waking me up sometimes love.
let's get ready for a new workweek. and look forward to the end of april. =)
and btw, thanks for last night. that was wonderful.
* i spent time with God today love. in the privacy and peace of my own room. spent time reading my pinkbook, talking to Him, listening to Him. i didn't sing though. coz my singing prowess might awaken God and make him realize he didn't endow me with enough.
ermz will take care of the medical exam fee.
* huwaw!!! as i said two days ago, God knows our hearts' desires. and He knows what we need. and without even asking, He gives us everything. everything is falling into place, dearest. let's always be thankful.
-----
tummy's upset today love. i dunno why. but i don't really care.
coz we've got the NOIM already!!!!
tomorrow, tita's sending the documents over to you.
have a great sunday, love. we're back to normal hours today. so we're only 2 hours ahead. yipee. so what this means for you is that you don't have to stay up until 2am to wake me up at 5am. haha. thanks for waking me up sometimes love.
let's get ready for a new workweek. and look forward to the end of april. =)
and btw, thanks for last night. that was wonderful.
23. God loves me.
the end of the workweek.... ahhhhhhh.
but before i kick my shoes off, i just wanna remind you of an exciting event that transpired last night. huh, huh? remember that? *inggit*
just you wait when i'm not tired and all is clear. i'd do the same, too! and you can't do anything else but watch. wait. that's something you wanna do as well, right? watch? hahaha. the power of visual stimulation. that's why we are in marketing, love! it has its merits. and we both know how to use our assets. hahaha.
as i said earlier, the end of the workweek. let me fall on the couch, nestea plunge style and sleep.
hmmm. i can't sleep. tomorrow is an exciting day for me. for you as well.
NOIM day!!!! woohoo!
God is good. he snaps his fingers and everything is falling into place.
who would have thought that tita andnick would shout me the payment for the NOIM? which means, there won't be a two-week delay anymore. yeyyyyy. and without me asking for it, too. God really knows our hearts' desires.
i am just in awe and amazement. and in praise of his power.
thank you, Lord, again and again.
but before i kick my shoes off, i just wanna remind you of an exciting event that transpired last night. huh, huh? remember that? *inggit*
just you wait when i'm not tired and all is clear. i'd do the same, too! and you can't do anything else but watch. wait. that's something you wanna do as well, right? watch? hahaha. the power of visual stimulation. that's why we are in marketing, love! it has its merits. and we both know how to use our assets. hahaha.
as i said earlier, the end of the workweek. let me fall on the couch, nestea plunge style and sleep.
hmmm. i can't sleep. tomorrow is an exciting day for me. for you as well.
NOIM day!!!! woohoo!
God is good. he snaps his fingers and everything is falling into place.
who would have thought that tita andnick would shout me the payment for the NOIM? which means, there won't be a two-week delay anymore. yeyyyyy. and without me asking for it, too. God really knows our hearts' desires.
i am just in awe and amazement. and in praise of his power.
thank you, Lord, again and again.
two-four, i want more.
training is starting to become a drag.
i can't wait to finally learn everything and get on with it. haha. impatience will get me nowhere, wouldn't it?
maybe love, this is God's way of preparing me for what is yet to come. everyday since i got here, i have been learning and relearning the value of patience and waiting. of taking every second as it goes by.
every sunrise is a new lesson. and the end of the day is the evaluation.
i haven't failed yet. thank you for teaching me, and for learning with me love.
this is how it feels: my body is tightly wound, i wanna spring. i've been warmed up to a hot simmer, i wanna boil. i wanna run, fast. but my feet are cemented to the ground.
i need you, i miss you so much.
i can't wait. but i can.
and i have to.
i can't wait to finally learn everything and get on with it. haha. impatience will get me nowhere, wouldn't it?
maybe love, this is God's way of preparing me for what is yet to come. everyday since i got here, i have been learning and relearning the value of patience and waiting. of taking every second as it goes by.
every sunrise is a new lesson. and the end of the day is the evaluation.
i haven't failed yet. thank you for teaching me, and for learning with me love.
this is how it feels: my body is tightly wound, i wanna spring. i've been warmed up to a hot simmer, i wanna boil. i wanna run, fast. but my feet are cemented to the ground.
i need you, i miss you so much.
i can't wait. but i can.
and i have to.
twenty-five. music makes me feel alive.
a man with a trumpet was playing slow jazz in the train on my way to work, and his music moved me.
he reminded me of you and your passion. i see you and hear you in music, love.
and it seems so long ago since i heard music that moved me. the last time was when i woke up one morning hearing you sing to God in psalms.
promise me that you'll never stop singing.
i will personally make sure that you have your own studio and your own set of instruments and software to make your music for the rest of our lives. teach our kids too.
and when they can't sing... it's not my fault, ok? haha.
i miss hearing you sing. i miss songs. it's been a quiet two months. save for my sa yo ringtone that i seldom hear because nobody calls me. wawa.
i hope the jazz man takes the same train tomorrow, so his music can move my soul again. it was wonderful love. you would have loved him.
and probably played with him.
he reminded me of you and your passion. i see you and hear you in music, love.
and it seems so long ago since i heard music that moved me. the last time was when i woke up one morning hearing you sing to God in psalms.
promise me that you'll never stop singing.
i will personally make sure that you have your own studio and your own set of instruments and software to make your music for the rest of our lives. teach our kids too.
and when they can't sing... it's not my fault, ok? haha.
i miss hearing you sing. i miss songs. it's been a quiet two months. save for my sa yo ringtone that i seldom hear because nobody calls me. wawa.
i hope the jazz man takes the same train tomorrow, so his music can move my soul again. it was wonderful love. you would have loved him.
and probably played with him.
an interesting mix at 26
now i finally understand what they mean when they say "play in your workplace". guess what happened last night love?
we have discovered a cure for lower back pains. and that is visual stimulation. i can attest to that.
i can't wait for the day when i can finally do strenuous physical activity. with you. if visual stimulation gets rid of the pain temporarily, they say that exercise and lower body movements will totally eliminate the risk of further injury. let's give it a test run, shall we?
-----
on my way home today, love, i nearly cried at the wonder of God's creation. the sky was a magnificent red/pink/purple hue. and the clouds were like surf in the heavens. i felt like my world was upside down, with all the colors mixed up. the grass was purple. the air was blue.
and the sky looked closer to the ground than it normally is.
it reminded me of your fascination with cloud formations, and i just knew that you would have loved seeing that.
you are my preoccupation. i see everything through your eyes. you've taught me how to view the world the seigfred way. it's not necessarily better, but it certainly is more interesting to be introduced to a different way of looking at things.
i appreciate your giving me a new set of eyes.
we have discovered a cure for lower back pains. and that is visual stimulation. i can attest to that.
i can't wait for the day when i can finally do strenuous physical activity. with you. if visual stimulation gets rid of the pain temporarily, they say that exercise and lower body movements will totally eliminate the risk of further injury. let's give it a test run, shall we?
-----
on my way home today, love, i nearly cried at the wonder of God's creation. the sky was a magnificent red/pink/purple hue. and the clouds were like surf in the heavens. i felt like my world was upside down, with all the colors mixed up. the grass was purple. the air was blue.
and the sky looked closer to the ground than it normally is.
it reminded me of your fascination with cloud formations, and i just knew that you would have loved seeing that.
you are my preoccupation. i see everything through your eyes. you've taught me how to view the world the seigfred way. it's not necessarily better, but it certainly is more interesting to be introduced to a different way of looking at things.
i appreciate your giving me a new set of eyes.
twenty-seventh heaven
first day at work went well, love, except for the fact that my mind was drifting back and back to dreams of you.
the whole day was a dream, i reckon, with periods of lucidity sporadically flashing, and i find myself tuning into my trainors, going on and on about telstra. gaaaaaaaaaah.
what was that again? imate jasjam? =D
thank you, Lord, for my job. thank you, Lord, for our wedding. thank you, Lord, for my blessings. and thank you, Lord, for my fishtank.
today is a day for counting blessings, sweetie. go ahead and count yours. then we'll put them all together, and have endless conjugal blessings together. sounds like fun, doesn't it?
thank you, Lord. thank you, Lord.
the whole day was a dream, i reckon, with periods of lucidity sporadically flashing, and i find myself tuning into my trainors, going on and on about telstra. gaaaaaaaaaah.
what was that again? imate jasjam? =D
thank you, Lord, for my job. thank you, Lord, for our wedding. thank you, Lord, for my blessings. and thank you, Lord, for my fishtank.
today is a day for counting blessings, sweetie. go ahead and count yours. then we'll put them all together, and have endless conjugal blessings together. sounds like fun, doesn't it?
thank you, Lord. thank you, Lord.
at 28, where are you, mate?
owing to the fact that i was not happy with the "peace be with you" incident that ensued the previous sunday, i deliberately missed church today.
what does that say about me and my faith?
i am deeply disturbed, love. help me out here. let's put a semblance of order into this jumbled mess. but until you get here, i guess i would have to stay put and ask the right questions, for now at least.
on the other side of town, meanwhile...
remember how it is normally said, "divide and conquer"? having more to go around means there's more to be shared, more to experience, more to accomplish.
but why is it that now that i'm halved, i find myself unable to give of myself, not enjoying my experiences and merely going through he motions, nowhere near my goals? all i want is to become whole again.
melbourne is a drag without you, my other half.
what does that say about me and my faith?
i am deeply disturbed, love. help me out here. let's put a semblance of order into this jumbled mess. but until you get here, i guess i would have to stay put and ask the right questions, for now at least.
on the other side of town, meanwhile...
remember how it is normally said, "divide and conquer"? having more to go around means there's more to be shared, more to experience, more to accomplish.
but why is it that now that i'm halved, i find myself unable to give of myself, not enjoying my experiences and merely going through he motions, nowhere near my goals? all i want is to become whole again.
melbourne is a drag without you, my other half.
june (29), you're legally MINE!
talk about objectifying, huh? yeahwell, so what? so you're my object. the object of my dreams, my affections, my passions, my desires and my fantasies.
and if you are this, then i am your subject. in love, faith, loyalty and obedience. for life.
one week fromnow, i'd be finding myself in the registry, putting in our names in a top hat, to be pulled out on june 29, magically. and these are the magic words --- i take you, seigfred tristan, to be my husband, forever.
tadah!
and we're bound for eternity.
should i wear white love? when are we shopping for our first wedding stuff? our rings?
should i book a flight to sydney for the first honeymoon? or might you want to go to the gold coast? new zealand perhaps? tasmania? or should we just lock our room up and spend the night in melbourne?
it doesn't really matter. as long as there is you.
mark the date. have faith.
and if you are this, then i am your subject. in love, faith, loyalty and obedience. for life.
one week fromnow, i'd be finding myself in the registry, putting in our names in a top hat, to be pulled out on june 29, magically. and these are the magic words --- i take you, seigfred tristan, to be my husband, forever.
tadah!
and we're bound for eternity.
should i wear white love? when are we shopping for our first wedding stuff? our rings?
should i book a flight to sydney for the first honeymoon? or might you want to go to the gold coast? new zealand perhaps? tasmania? or should we just lock our room up and spend the night in melbourne?
it doesn't really matter. as long as there is you.
mark the date. have faith.
Friday, March 16, 2007
(30) protect protect
it didn't, as my dream suggested, happen.
just when the stew is about to come to a boil, the flame had dwindled, almost snuffed. but being the great chef that you are, you dragged me closer to huddle around the fire to keep it going.
it's ablaze and roaring again.
now i know what "protect protect" means. not only do we have to shield our heat from strong winds from without, sometimes it may mean keeping us from dousing the fire ourselves. the flame needs our constant throwing in of kindling and breaths of life.
it can't die. it can never die. to even think it, is unthinkable.
it's already autumn, love. thank you, for not letting the heat die. now i know we are ready for the cold. we've stocked up on firewood. we have gathered them together from our own forests, and have come out of the thick still holding hands.
sit beside me in front of the roaring fire. let's keep each other warm.
and please know, that i would give my last breath to keep us alive.
thank you, for teaching me.
just when the stew is about to come to a boil, the flame had dwindled, almost snuffed. but being the great chef that you are, you dragged me closer to huddle around the fire to keep it going.
it's ablaze and roaring again.
now i know what "protect protect" means. not only do we have to shield our heat from strong winds from without, sometimes it may mean keeping us from dousing the fire ourselves. the flame needs our constant throwing in of kindling and breaths of life.
it can't die. it can never die. to even think it, is unthinkable.
it's already autumn, love. thank you, for not letting the heat die. now i know we are ready for the cold. we've stocked up on firewood. we have gathered them together from our own forests, and have come out of the thick still holding hands.
sit beside me in front of the roaring fire. let's keep each other warm.
and please know, that i would give my last breath to keep us alive.
thank you, for teaching me.
Thursday, March 15, 2007
i lack one. it's day 31!
the cloak of silence is wrapped around me. i am alone, with my thoughts. and all of them is you.
i've just finished noting down a short journal entry, and i realized that just a couple more flips of the pages, and i'd be writing down "went to the victorian registry today." the leather-bound journal will be a joy to read together. apart from this blog, that book is a testimony, a witness to what we've gone thrugh for the past three months of this journey. distance hurts. and we are never doing this again. your scribbles last december scratch at my chest. they are a part of you, imprints of crazy (and some unhappy) memories. they make me long for you more and more, and it pinches everytime i look at them. yet they're the closest thing to you that i have. so i read and re-read our literary snapshots. it gives me a peaceful pleasure browsing through them but it somehow punishes me too, with the pain of yearning. oh i dunno. this silence is driving me nuts.
i've done a bit of knitting a while ago, too. i'm lovingly makng you a plain black scarf made of soft fluffy wool. it's gonna be cold when you get here. so instead of doing it hawaiian-style with a wreath of flowers, i will wrap this scarf around you. but yeah, you're getting a lei around your neck. prepare to bear my weight, sweetie. i'd be hanging on to you like a stalactite.
and before you could have time to visualize that analogy and get sexy thoughts, i'd like to direct your attention to my physical pain. i only made four rows of knitting because my lower back was slowly killing me. it would have been wonderful if you worked your magic hands on it. wait. that was even more suggestive.
uhmm..
let's talk about dreams, instead. i've been having weird dreams lately, dreams that may be full of interpretations, if only we can find the time to talk about them, and if only i could remember them still. i miss talking to you first thing in the morning.
this silence weaves crazy things in my mind.
please, please talk to me.
i've just finished noting down a short journal entry, and i realized that just a couple more flips of the pages, and i'd be writing down "went to the victorian registry today." the leather-bound journal will be a joy to read together. apart from this blog, that book is a testimony, a witness to what we've gone thrugh for the past three months of this journey. distance hurts. and we are never doing this again. your scribbles last december scratch at my chest. they are a part of you, imprints of crazy (and some unhappy) memories. they make me long for you more and more, and it pinches everytime i look at them. yet they're the closest thing to you that i have. so i read and re-read our literary snapshots. it gives me a peaceful pleasure browsing through them but it somehow punishes me too, with the pain of yearning. oh i dunno. this silence is driving me nuts.
i've done a bit of knitting a while ago, too. i'm lovingly makng you a plain black scarf made of soft fluffy wool. it's gonna be cold when you get here. so instead of doing it hawaiian-style with a wreath of flowers, i will wrap this scarf around you. but yeah, you're getting a lei around your neck. prepare to bear my weight, sweetie. i'd be hanging on to you like a stalactite.
and before you could have time to visualize that analogy and get sexy thoughts, i'd like to direct your attention to my physical pain. i only made four rows of knitting because my lower back was slowly killing me. it would have been wonderful if you worked your magic hands on it. wait. that was even more suggestive.
uhmm..
let's talk about dreams, instead. i've been having weird dreams lately, dreams that may be full of interpretations, if only we can find the time to talk about them, and if only i could remember them still. i miss talking to you first thing in the morning.
this silence weaves crazy things in my mind.
please, please talk to me.
thirty-two. it started at 2:30.
having a disagreement with you reminds me of my room with the drapes drawn at mid-afternoon.
arguing is not merely an activity of the mind, it is physically strenuous as well. breathing becomes labored. your chest has tons of weight on it. muscles tense. you get so riled up, it feels as if you'd like to throw punches or just bolt and run. and i swear i could hear our hearts crunching.
i'm sorry it happened, what happened. i tried to stop it, with you blinking the red lights crazily. all i saw were red flags waving. so i charged. my emotions were too strong for me. when heat and cold interact, and with all the conditions favorable, it inevitably develops into a full-blown tornado, and destroys. months of brick-laying and careful planning implode into scraps of debris scraping and crashing everything in its whirlwind way. when you actually think about it, emotion is a force of nature.
so we're back to faith. the gun has gone off, but we're being sent to the starting point again. run with me, coach. train me over and over until i get it right. love is patient, ain't it? we will win this race. eventually, if not soon. it's our own track after all.
when we see ourselves in the same path again, direct me to this entry, sweetie. because it is here where i am declaring this:
i love you.
come here, gorgeous. the sun is the color of our wedding palette. our magic hour is near.
arguing is not merely an activity of the mind, it is physically strenuous as well. breathing becomes labored. your chest has tons of weight on it. muscles tense. you get so riled up, it feels as if you'd like to throw punches or just bolt and run. and i swear i could hear our hearts crunching.
i'm sorry it happened, what happened. i tried to stop it, with you blinking the red lights crazily. all i saw were red flags waving. so i charged. my emotions were too strong for me. when heat and cold interact, and with all the conditions favorable, it inevitably develops into a full-blown tornado, and destroys. months of brick-laying and careful planning implode into scraps of debris scraping and crashing everything in its whirlwind way. when you actually think about it, emotion is a force of nature.
so we're back to faith. the gun has gone off, but we're being sent to the starting point again. run with me, coach. train me over and over until i get it right. love is patient, ain't it? we will win this race. eventually, if not soon. it's our own track after all.
when we see ourselves in the same path again, direct me to this entry, sweetie. because it is here where i am declaring this:
i will always have faith in you. and i will leave it all behind. cebu, the entry, the journal, the letters. henceforth, i will detach the shadow of the past so it won't tag along with my gown's train as i walk towards you.
i know what i know. you've never failed to show me, not a single day since we've been together. and i believe you.
and on making up, love. just like the drapes, all we need is a sliver of light to remind ourselves not to embrace the darkness. slide them open, and let the sunshine in.
i love you.
come here, gorgeous. the sun is the color of our wedding palette. our magic hour is near.
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
thirty-three and our family tree
i had a baby in my arms, and it was the next best thing to having you in my embrace.
looking forward, i still want four kids, despite all the discouragement i get from the mothers i talk to. is that number alright with you love? but then again, i might just want two.
i sooooooo long for you. so we can start the baby-making process soon. haha.
we are getting married in the middle of winter love. and i am certain that it is going to be one hot winter for us. with the way i'm missing you now, i can already see myself just being beside you and tailing you the whole time you're here. i will take my fill and pour you all over myself to the brim. and we will do all the things we weren't able to do during the three months we've been away from each other.
i can't wait.
as each day drags on, we are slowly inching our own way to the day when i finally hold my own big little baby in a cradle. =)
(ikaw yun love.)
looking forward, i still want four kids, despite all the discouragement i get from the mothers i talk to. is that number alright with you love? but then again, i might just want two.
i sooooooo long for you. so we can start the baby-making process soon. haha.
we are getting married in the middle of winter love. and i am certain that it is going to be one hot winter for us. with the way i'm missing you now, i can already see myself just being beside you and tailing you the whole time you're here. i will take my fill and pour you all over myself to the brim. and we will do all the things we weren't able to do during the three months we've been away from each other.
i can't wait.
as each day drags on, we are slowly inching our own way to the day when i finally hold my own big little baby in a cradle. =)
(ikaw yun love.)
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
phone-poor on day 34
if this isn't a test of faith, i don't know what it is.
my fabulusch pink fone died today. and it's one of my bestest friends. it's one of the gateways to you.
one of our past discussions went like this: what if we didn't have any of the technologies available to us today, just like the lovers of olden days? would we thrive in faith and trust? would we be alright with just the promise that the other is coming back? can memories and hope sustain us?
what do you think love?
next week, i will be on my new job. with the pink phone gone, and with my work hours engaged, will we be ok? i know what i have to do to protect and sustain us. you are still my priority, sweetie. but will you be alright? it will be a huge change from what we are used to. a disruption of our routine, so to speak.
but i have grown in faith, love. and it's funny that it is distance that had to teach us this valuable lesson. (but i'm still allowed to be insecure once in a while, ok?) :)
don't worry though. a week from now, our names will be in the victorian registry. and you know what that means.
(thank you Lord, for papa fredo's help.)
my fabulusch pink fone died today. and it's one of my bestest friends. it's one of the gateways to you.
one of our past discussions went like this: what if we didn't have any of the technologies available to us today, just like the lovers of olden days? would we thrive in faith and trust? would we be alright with just the promise that the other is coming back? can memories and hope sustain us?
what do you think love?
next week, i will be on my new job. with the pink phone gone, and with my work hours engaged, will we be ok? i know what i have to do to protect and sustain us. you are still my priority, sweetie. but will you be alright? it will be a huge change from what we are used to. a disruption of our routine, so to speak.
but i have grown in faith, love. and it's funny that it is distance that had to teach us this valuable lesson. (but i'm still allowed to be insecure once in a while, ok?) :)
don't worry though. a week from now, our names will be in the victorian registry. and you know what that means.
(thank you Lord, for papa fredo's help.)
35. remember the 'purpose-driven life?'
i was dissatisfied today. with mass.
help me untangle the strings of emotions in my heart.
at one point i felt unfaithful to my religion, because i am now beginning to love our usual sunday service in cinema 5. but you told me that this is good, because i am thirsting for more.
and when it's a thirst for God, it is always good.
we'll discuss this soon, love, when you get here. i need you to hold my hand. and i need to do some research too. will you be there on my journey to discovery? (i know the answer to this.)
today is a day of yearning. (well everyday is, not until you're here.) i have had incomplete days for two months now. but God helps me get through each twenty-four hour-cycle. i get up in the morning and i talk to Him, tug on his robes, and snuggle on His lap. i beg Him for you. all the time. but this isn't everything. i now have a deeper awareness of my humanity and His greatness, i now desire to always remain in Him, to make my life an example of his words. it is a struggle, but i am trying.
you helped me develop a closer relationship with Him, and in turn, this has helped me grow in love with you more and more. this threesome ain't a crowd. it's our perfect number.
and guess what. today, i wanted to read PDL again. come on over, and let's start again.
help me untangle the strings of emotions in my heart.
at one point i felt unfaithful to my religion, because i am now beginning to love our usual sunday service in cinema 5. but you told me that this is good, because i am thirsting for more.
and when it's a thirst for God, it is always good.
we'll discuss this soon, love, when you get here. i need you to hold my hand. and i need to do some research too. will you be there on my journey to discovery? (i know the answer to this.)
today is a day of yearning. (well everyday is, not until you're here.) i have had incomplete days for two months now. but God helps me get through each twenty-four hour-cycle. i get up in the morning and i talk to Him, tug on his robes, and snuggle on His lap. i beg Him for you. all the time. but this isn't everything. i now have a deeper awareness of my humanity and His greatness, i now desire to always remain in Him, to make my life an example of his words. it is a struggle, but i am trying.
you helped me develop a closer relationship with Him, and in turn, this has helped me grow in love with you more and more. this threesome ain't a crowd. it's our perfect number.
and guess what. today, i wanted to read PDL again. come on over, and let's start again.
Sunday, March 11, 2007
day 36 and my train ride home
it was a surprise that five minutes into it, i got bored with the book. i normally love reading on the train. it was a surprise too, that after i neatly tucked the prized literary material in my bag, i found you seated beside me. we're both bound for the same destination. and it's a long way away.
it was at the glenferrie station when i started studying your face. the winds of time have treated the ridges and crevices fiercely and gently, alternately. the rivers from your eyes, that look strangely like mine, have made their light vertical indentations as well, invisible to the unfeeling and uncaring eye. you have a mass of black hair that defies the rules of parallelism. they've gone so wild that they're all over your round head, exploding with joy, like confetti. the little hairs of your brows reflect your defiant nature. from the center of your forehead, they start to march out like flanks of soldiers in neat files, gradually dispersing at your temples, that bear scars of the hormonal battles of your youth. at that point i was already amazed at how you just sit there and soak up the sights, and not be astonished at yourself.
the throng at the burnley platform took a while to trickle into the train, and it was there that i leaned my head on your shoulder. the maple trees outside spilled the shadows of their leaves on the floor, in my bag, on the tip of my right shoe, and on the old lady's lap in front of me. the irregularity of the shapes and their volatile nature fascinated me. and as the shadows crept from the lady's lap to her breasts to her shoulders, i closed my eyes and allowed my cheek to melt on your chest.
we changed trains in richmond, and you didn't offer to carry my bag, like you normally do. i didn't mind, though. it was more than enough that you were there.
we sat in silence on the second leg of the journey. but i didn't want to jiggle the status quo. i had a strange feeling that i needed to hold on to something, otherwise i'd lose it. i just didn't know what it was. so i just held onto your hand and stared through the passengers' faces, unseeing. all that filled me was that i was traveling on an average commuter train somewhere between south yarra and the house that i live in, and i have never felt more at home.
a barrage of thoughts went by in the windows of my mind, just like the landscape outside. i've seen our home, our garden, kids playing, your quaint little cafe, my book-in-progress, out of town trips, weekend veging with heaps of dvds and nachos beside the fireplace, and the simple heavenly joy of having your warmth in our bed when we drown the day's concerns in soft pillows and tender embraces. i must have had reveries. or my reveries must have had realities. the delineation wasn't clear anymore. not since you. my dreams have become alive, or i am living my dreams.
the next thing i know, we have arrived. walking through the front door, down the hallway, we enter our room.
i would have wanted to just flop on the bed, but i had the sudden urge to look in the mirror. it was then when i realized, that i was alone all along.
it was at the glenferrie station when i started studying your face. the winds of time have treated the ridges and crevices fiercely and gently, alternately. the rivers from your eyes, that look strangely like mine, have made their light vertical indentations as well, invisible to the unfeeling and uncaring eye. you have a mass of black hair that defies the rules of parallelism. they've gone so wild that they're all over your round head, exploding with joy, like confetti. the little hairs of your brows reflect your defiant nature. from the center of your forehead, they start to march out like flanks of soldiers in neat files, gradually dispersing at your temples, that bear scars of the hormonal battles of your youth. at that point i was already amazed at how you just sit there and soak up the sights, and not be astonished at yourself.
the throng at the burnley platform took a while to trickle into the train, and it was there that i leaned my head on your shoulder. the maple trees outside spilled the shadows of their leaves on the floor, in my bag, on the tip of my right shoe, and on the old lady's lap in front of me. the irregularity of the shapes and their volatile nature fascinated me. and as the shadows crept from the lady's lap to her breasts to her shoulders, i closed my eyes and allowed my cheek to melt on your chest.
we changed trains in richmond, and you didn't offer to carry my bag, like you normally do. i didn't mind, though. it was more than enough that you were there.
we sat in silence on the second leg of the journey. but i didn't want to jiggle the status quo. i had a strange feeling that i needed to hold on to something, otherwise i'd lose it. i just didn't know what it was. so i just held onto your hand and stared through the passengers' faces, unseeing. all that filled me was that i was traveling on an average commuter train somewhere between south yarra and the house that i live in, and i have never felt more at home.
a barrage of thoughts went by in the windows of my mind, just like the landscape outside. i've seen our home, our garden, kids playing, your quaint little cafe, my book-in-progress, out of town trips, weekend veging with heaps of dvds and nachos beside the fireplace, and the simple heavenly joy of having your warmth in our bed when we drown the day's concerns in soft pillows and tender embraces. i must have had reveries. or my reveries must have had realities. the delineation wasn't clear anymore. not since you. my dreams have become alive, or i am living my dreams.
the next thing i know, we have arrived. walking through the front door, down the hallway, we enter our room.
i would have wanted to just flop on the bed, but i had the sudden urge to look in the mirror. it was then when i realized, that i was alone all along.
recipe number 37
it's louiebelle's orientation today! three weeks in the pot, simmering stew.
just a week more, then it'd be ready to serve.
ooooh. cooking terms. your kind of language.
i remember your future plans. the ones we'd be writing in our history statements. and i must admit, it looks like a colorful and exciting tomorrow.
but we've gotta worry about the application fee first. and the wedding.
it seems daunting, love. having to think about the expenses for our celebration. but hey. we only get married once (hah! twice pala. haha. but you know what i'm saying.), so it better be what we've always dreamed it to be. i don't want an extravagant one, just a nice and charming even that we will always look back to with warmth creeping up our faces.
i know God will provide. but, i don't wanna burden God with this (yet.) i just wanna move, run, fly if i must, just to have the application fee in a week's time.
noim first, alright? and i wouldn't wanna scrimp on credits coz that is important. just bear with me as i put in a nickel at a time in piggybear.
the water is almost at its boiling point, be ready to dive in.
just a week more, then it'd be ready to serve.
ooooh. cooking terms. your kind of language.
i remember your future plans. the ones we'd be writing in our history statements. and i must admit, it looks like a colorful and exciting tomorrow.
but we've gotta worry about the application fee first. and the wedding.
it seems daunting, love. having to think about the expenses for our celebration. but hey. we only get married once (hah! twice pala. haha. but you know what i'm saying.), so it better be what we've always dreamed it to be. i don't want an extravagant one, just a nice and charming even that we will always look back to with warmth creeping up our faces.
i know God will provide. but, i don't wanna burden God with this (yet.) i just wanna move, run, fly if i must, just to have the application fee in a week's time.
noim first, alright? and i wouldn't wanna scrimp on credits coz that is important. just bear with me as i put in a nickel at a time in piggybear.
the water is almost at its boiling point, be ready to dive in.
Thursday, March 08, 2007
developing technohate at 38
i swear i'm staying away from gadgets once you get here.
call me ungrateful, coz we're heaps luckier than lovers of yore, but damn it! our techno-substitutes just won't suffice.
i've got your face frozen in my phone, in my multiply site, in my wallet, in my artframe in my room. your many smiles that i know so well have been fossilized in countless of photos, yet i couldn't make out that naughty glint in your eyes anymore, nor could i see the softening of your features whenever i do smething that endears me to you. i always aim for that, love. nothing pleases me more than pleasing you.
i can command your voice to waft wherever i am, too. i've got your songs everywhere and i carry them with me all the time, but they just won't do. shared laughter with you makes my soul dance and do backflips on the floor. a groan from you sends alarm bells jingling in my body. a moan and a whisper... well you know where that leads to.
you come alive on my computer monitor, but it's not really fully alive. no hugs, no smells, no little pats (or pokes) on my backside. i couldn't even see if you've cut your nails or not. and i wanna see the tip of your tongue when you speak. and the rise and fall of your chest when you're getting frustrated. and the throbs at the base of your throat. and the beads of perspiration on your forehead. i couldn't even push back your glasses, as i am so fond of doing. couldn't feel your warmth (or should i say cool body temperature), nor could i knit my fingers with the yarn of your hands. it's just not enough love. i could drink so much of you. and still end up parched. soak me.
our conversations aren't in real time. a two-second lag and three hours time difference are mounds different from arguing face to face, with drops of my saliva spattering on your arm. words flashing in little windows written in cold stark business fonts fail to enunciate fear, yearning, adoration, sorrow, comfort. LARGETYPE fonts and miles of exclamation points !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! just don't burn with anger. let's be mad... for each other.
wab just isn't. i still need you.
i bear the blisters of the cruelty of distance on my back. it grips me, sometimes. just like it did today. it wrapped itself on my legs like seaweed in a murky ocean. it's good that i learned how to tread water from you.
every day is a battle, love. we trained for this, right? and just like exercise, if we do it everyday, it will strengthen us.
at ease, soldier.
call me ungrateful, coz we're heaps luckier than lovers of yore, but damn it! our techno-substitutes just won't suffice.
i've got your face frozen in my phone, in my multiply site, in my wallet, in my artframe in my room. your many smiles that i know so well have been fossilized in countless of photos, yet i couldn't make out that naughty glint in your eyes anymore, nor could i see the softening of your features whenever i do smething that endears me to you. i always aim for that, love. nothing pleases me more than pleasing you.
i can command your voice to waft wherever i am, too. i've got your songs everywhere and i carry them with me all the time, but they just won't do. shared laughter with you makes my soul dance and do backflips on the floor. a groan from you sends alarm bells jingling in my body. a moan and a whisper... well you know where that leads to.
you come alive on my computer monitor, but it's not really fully alive. no hugs, no smells, no little pats (or pokes) on my backside. i couldn't even see if you've cut your nails or not. and i wanna see the tip of your tongue when you speak. and the rise and fall of your chest when you're getting frustrated. and the throbs at the base of your throat. and the beads of perspiration on your forehead. i couldn't even push back your glasses, as i am so fond of doing. couldn't feel your warmth (or should i say cool body temperature), nor could i knit my fingers with the yarn of your hands. it's just not enough love. i could drink so much of you. and still end up parched. soak me.
our conversations aren't in real time. a two-second lag and three hours time difference are mounds different from arguing face to face, with drops of my saliva spattering on your arm. words flashing in little windows written in cold stark business fonts fail to enunciate fear, yearning, adoration, sorrow, comfort. LARGETYPE fonts and miles of exclamation points !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! just don't burn with anger. let's be mad... for each other.
wab just isn't. i still need you.
i bear the blisters of the cruelty of distance on my back. it grips me, sometimes. just like it did today. it wrapped itself on my legs like seaweed in a murky ocean. it's good that i learned how to tread water from you.
every day is a battle, love. we trained for this, right? and just like exercise, if we do it everyday, it will strengthen us.
at ease, soldier.
Wednesday, March 07, 2007
tatlumpu't siyam. mga labi at aking agam-agam
your lips. ewan ko nga ba kung bakit yan ang unang pumasok sa isip ko ng aking hinarap ang blangkong papel at dinampot ang panulat.
minsan kapag nagkukuwento ka, tinititigan ko sila. pinagmamasdan ko ang kanilang sayaw ang ang pagkubli nila ng iyong mga mailiit na ngipin (na ang isa'y ninakawan ng bahagya ng isang aksidente). i happen to find that adorably sexy, by the way.
bigla ko tuloy inabot ang telepono ko, upang pag-aralang muli ang pag-unat at pagyuko ng iyong mga labi sa pagbuo ng isang ngiti. ang hirap mangulila.
ngayon pa't malamig. kailangan ko ang iyong mga labi upang balutin ako ng...
...init ng iyong musika. naalala ko ang mga gabi sa munti nating lungga, ang bawat titik at letrang iyong kinakanta ay parang kumot na kendi'ng yumayakap sa 'kin. at syempre, kelangan ko ang iyong mga labi para yapusin ako ng nag-aalab mong mga halik. palalampasin ko ba naman yan?
ewan ko nga ba't bigla akong na-obsess sa mga labi mo.
siguro dahil matagal ng hindi dumadampi ang aking sariling mga labi sa yo. naiisip ko how sexy they look and what they can do. andami ko ng nakitang kaya nilang gawin (favorite ko yung dalawa). gusto kong makita lahat.
o baka naman dahil miss ko na ang boses mo. kahit pa araw-araw kitang nakakausap, syempre iba pa rin yung dumadaloy sa kaluluwa ko yung tinig mo. hinahanap ko na yung mga singsong na "good morning lovelove, iloveyouiloveyou, mwaiksmoochlurpngah, wootwoot, hows your day hows your day, daw awat ka bala louiebelle, afawafaw at ang araw-araw na howmanurah". namimiss ko rin yung mga kwentuhan nating kadalasang walang kabuluhan, pero naman, kapag nagseryoso na, napapanganga na lang ako sa pagliyad at paglayag ng iyong imahinasyon. which reminds me, meron ka pang isang bedtime story na hindi pa tinatapos. pano naman kasi nagbabago ang plot ng bedtime stories natin. hindi ko minsan namamalayan, past10pm na pala. poke!
pwede ring dahil gusto ko nang hingahin lahat ng hanging nilalabas mo. dahil gustong-gusto ko na maging parte ka ng ako. madalas kapag ipinaghehele ng mga kamay ko ang ulo mo, at kapag pinipinta ng mga daliri ko ang mukha mo, humihinga ako ng malalim. i want to take all of you in. (parang ang psycho ko na) pero alam ko naiintindihan mo naman ako eh. dahil pareho naman ang kapasidad ng mga puso nating umunawa at magmahal. ikaw ay ako, ako ay ikaw.
o baka naman dahil matagal ko ng hinahanap ang pag-ulan ng iyong halik. kung naibebenta ang halik, siguro mayamang mayaman ka na... at ipinangungutang ko na ang pambili ko ng mga halik mo. di bale, iniisip ko na malapit na rin naman. tatlumpu't siyam ngayon. pasasaan din ba't hahalikan mo na din ako sa harap ng ating mga dearly beloveds (if you wish--- haha naaalala mo to?). ang hirap maghintay. buti na lang pinagagaan mo ang araw-araw.
ah, alam ko na kung bakit.
dahil lahat ng lumalabas diyan sa iyong mga labi.. puro matatamis. (at adik ako sa sweets.)
-----
pahalik naman o.
minsan kapag nagkukuwento ka, tinititigan ko sila. pinagmamasdan ko ang kanilang sayaw ang ang pagkubli nila ng iyong mga mailiit na ngipin (na ang isa'y ninakawan ng bahagya ng isang aksidente). i happen to find that adorably sexy, by the way.
bigla ko tuloy inabot ang telepono ko, upang pag-aralang muli ang pag-unat at pagyuko ng iyong mga labi sa pagbuo ng isang ngiti. ang hirap mangulila.
ngayon pa't malamig. kailangan ko ang iyong mga labi upang balutin ako ng...
...init ng iyong musika. naalala ko ang mga gabi sa munti nating lungga, ang bawat titik at letrang iyong kinakanta ay parang kumot na kendi'ng yumayakap sa 'kin. at syempre, kelangan ko ang iyong mga labi para yapusin ako ng nag-aalab mong mga halik. palalampasin ko ba naman yan?
ewan ko nga ba't bigla akong na-obsess sa mga labi mo.
siguro dahil matagal ng hindi dumadampi ang aking sariling mga labi sa yo. naiisip ko how sexy they look and what they can do. andami ko ng nakitang kaya nilang gawin (favorite ko yung dalawa). gusto kong makita lahat.
o baka naman dahil miss ko na ang boses mo. kahit pa araw-araw kitang nakakausap, syempre iba pa rin yung dumadaloy sa kaluluwa ko yung tinig mo. hinahanap ko na yung mga singsong na "good morning lovelove, iloveyouiloveyou, mwaiksmoochlurpngah, wootwoot, hows your day hows your day, daw awat ka bala louiebelle, afawafaw at ang araw-araw na howmanurah". namimiss ko rin yung mga kwentuhan nating kadalasang walang kabuluhan, pero naman, kapag nagseryoso na, napapanganga na lang ako sa pagliyad at paglayag ng iyong imahinasyon. which reminds me, meron ka pang isang bedtime story na hindi pa tinatapos. pano naman kasi nagbabago ang plot ng bedtime stories natin. hindi ko minsan namamalayan, past10pm na pala. poke!
pwede ring dahil gusto ko nang hingahin lahat ng hanging nilalabas mo. dahil gustong-gusto ko na maging parte ka ng ako. madalas kapag ipinaghehele ng mga kamay ko ang ulo mo, at kapag pinipinta ng mga daliri ko ang mukha mo, humihinga ako ng malalim. i want to take all of you in. (parang ang psycho ko na) pero alam ko naiintindihan mo naman ako eh. dahil pareho naman ang kapasidad ng mga puso nating umunawa at magmahal. ikaw ay ako, ako ay ikaw.
o baka naman dahil matagal ko ng hinahanap ang pag-ulan ng iyong halik. kung naibebenta ang halik, siguro mayamang mayaman ka na... at ipinangungutang ko na ang pambili ko ng mga halik mo. di bale, iniisip ko na malapit na rin naman. tatlumpu't siyam ngayon. pasasaan din ba't hahalikan mo na din ako sa harap ng ating mga dearly beloveds (if you wish--- haha naaalala mo to?). ang hirap maghintay. buti na lang pinagagaan mo ang araw-araw.
ah, alam ko na kung bakit.
dahil lahat ng lumalabas diyan sa iyong mga labi.. puro matatamis. (at adik ako sa sweets.)
-----
pahalik naman o.
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
life begins at 40
and so the spotlight is on me.
my mind is a jumble, as it has been in the last two months. a lot has happened, and a lot is still going on.
but i wanna start by talking about paradoxes. the days have flown by, day 40 today love. look how far we've gone! but when you chop it all up, the hours crawl. if only we could give the snail a slap in the bum to egg it on to move, i would have given it a bitchslap. or a whipsmack in the ass. *whapakk*
moving on. i am a complete individual by myself. yet, i am not. i am half of who i am. the other half is you. i need you, love. i am your independent dependent, if i may say so. immobilized. that's how i feel. this is an elected immobilization, mind you. i don't wanna start experiencing until i can experience it with you. i know i'm making sense. to you, at least.
day zero nears. and i can't wait. but wait! it means that by then we would already have done (or at least decided on) the rings and the tuxes and the colors and all of those stuff that make white-cake celebrations crazy and exciting at the same time. yet another paradox. geewhiz. just making up my mind on the palette scheme makes my head spin.
but not like the way you do after 10pm every night. teehee.
bet you didn't expect that, did you?
love, sometimes, i just wanna pick up where we left off. if we only could, probably we're still in kyusi right now, having coffee and getting ready for work. then we'd be saving transportation money, coz we're from (and going to) the same area. then we'd have lunch together. not in silence i hope. (remember that inasal lunch where we both said only ten words collectively in the entire duration of the meal? we're both idiots, i'm telling you.) then we'd work again (yeah right) and i'll be anxiously waiting for 5pm so i could objectively appreciate (asuuuus) you're physique from afar as you walk towards me along emerald. then you'd kiss me passionately amidst the throng of people on the street island and take my hand, and hail a cab home. and you know what's next after that. ah, memories... where was i again? oh right, picking up where we left off. yeah, i was saying, i'd like that, but then again not. you were the one who taught me to look forward. so i am now looking forward. and guess what i'm seeing? a guest list of 250 that needs to be filled! oh lookie, another paradox.
two more weeks love and i will be on day1 at work. now that i've gotten my foot in the door, just you wait till i hike up my skirt and inch my leg in. then they'd go madly for the door and open it wide just so i can come in. can't wait to start working. i can see ink scribbles along the dotted line of the noim already!
i hope you're as excited as i am. coz i'm almost peeing on my seat just thinking about walking to the airport gates (do i really have to be in a cream sweater?) and carrying a banner that says 'welcome home ziggy' (nick wants that name).
i'd better shush now. let me just adjust this monitor so i can go through it, and give you a hug through the screen. c'meer buboolove.... (now that would be scary.)
ok please turn off the spotlight now.
*exits stage right and begins life at 40*
my mind is a jumble, as it has been in the last two months. a lot has happened, and a lot is still going on.
but i wanna start by talking about paradoxes. the days have flown by, day 40 today love. look how far we've gone! but when you chop it all up, the hours crawl. if only we could give the snail a slap in the bum to egg it on to move, i would have given it a bitchslap. or a whipsmack in the ass. *whapakk*
moving on. i am a complete individual by myself. yet, i am not. i am half of who i am. the other half is you. i need you, love. i am your independent dependent, if i may say so. immobilized. that's how i feel. this is an elected immobilization, mind you. i don't wanna start experiencing until i can experience it with you. i know i'm making sense. to you, at least.
day zero nears. and i can't wait. but wait! it means that by then we would already have done (or at least decided on) the rings and the tuxes and the colors and all of those stuff that make white-cake celebrations crazy and exciting at the same time. yet another paradox. geewhiz. just making up my mind on the palette scheme makes my head spin.
but not like the way you do after 10pm every night. teehee.
bet you didn't expect that, did you?
love, sometimes, i just wanna pick up where we left off. if we only could, probably we're still in kyusi right now, having coffee and getting ready for work. then we'd be saving transportation money, coz we're from (and going to) the same area. then we'd have lunch together. not in silence i hope. (remember that inasal lunch where we both said only ten words collectively in the entire duration of the meal? we're both idiots, i'm telling you.) then we'd work again (yeah right) and i'll be anxiously waiting for 5pm so i could objectively appreciate (asuuuus) you're physique from afar as you walk towards me along emerald. then you'd kiss me passionately amidst the throng of people on the street island and take my hand, and hail a cab home. and you know what's next after that. ah, memories... where was i again? oh right, picking up where we left off. yeah, i was saying, i'd like that, but then again not. you were the one who taught me to look forward. so i am now looking forward. and guess what i'm seeing? a guest list of 250 that needs to be filled! oh lookie, another paradox.
two more weeks love and i will be on day1 at work. now that i've gotten my foot in the door, just you wait till i hike up my skirt and inch my leg in. then they'd go madly for the door and open it wide just so i can come in. can't wait to start working. i can see ink scribbles along the dotted line of the noim already!
i hope you're as excited as i am. coz i'm almost peeing on my seat just thinking about walking to the airport gates (do i really have to be in a cream sweater?) and carrying a banner that says 'welcome home ziggy' (nick wants that name).
i'd better shush now. let me just adjust this monitor so i can go through it, and give you a hug through the screen. c'meer buboolove.... (now that would be scary.)
ok please turn off the spotlight now.
*exits stage right and begins life at 40*
Monday, March 05, 2007
41 here I am
Love… here I am again. When I think of the time you left, I would have wanted to tell you please stay but I don’t want to stop you from what you have wanted before I even came to your life. So here I am again and again, courting you everyday as if you weren’t mine. Everyday I am winning you over. I feel the need to because you are not by my side. And again here I am. Writing to you my thoughts of us, if it were raindrops I am always drenched and wet. I don’t mind at all, the rain always makes me playful if not reflective. I never even imagined myself doing this everyday but I need to because I feel to. These thoughts are my frozen sea that makes me cross from here to there. It’s cold but the sweating is worth it. So here I am again. Always knocking at the door of your heart asking for you to let me in. I was thinking last night if I was your neighbor I’ll always find myself knocking at your door till I don’t need to because the door is always open. I am confident that you will fall for me. I just know that. But I don’t want to sound silly here. So here I am again, courting you as if you weren’t mine. Because I feel so close to you yet so far. We know it’s different love, the way it feels when we are beside each other. By the way while I am doing this letter we are on sms talking on the same train of thought. Those sweet moments that were almost all the time. No not almost it was all the times. That’s why I am here again. Because you are my version of sweetness. I thank God for you, for letting me have you. It was all wonderful. And I can’t wait to be with you to feel and recall how the times felt. I know how it feels but knowing isn’t exactly feeling. Am I still making sense? That’s why I’m here again! Because you know me, And when you came it all made sense. The circumstances that cannot be understood sometimes can still make sense when am with you. Reasons. These are just a few of them. That’s why here I am again.
42 rain knows no who
Another Saturday.
As the days pass by the longing gets intense to the point that I don’t know what to do. I would like to not mind it to avoid having heavy breaths in between breaths but I don’t want to. The longing makes me happy. It’s my recluse to the tiresome routine.
Looking forward looking forward.
I can’t wait actually but what can I do but to wait? I know you feel the same way too. It’s because that we want each other very much I am surviving every day of this.
It’s raining.
And its interesting what the rain does to anybody’s feelings. An emotional catalyst. I myself cannot understand why there’s a sudden change of mood the moment I see raindrops. I am just sentimental. And that’s what’s making this so heavy. Don’t worry love. I am just this.
If you were here the rain could have meant another thing. I could have felt exactly the other way around. I could have still found myself writing to you. On your skin. The plans that we will do. But yeah, this separation is part of our plan right? So we are just writing plans on gray clouds, wait for the sun to come up, and write another one on a… pink sky. Ya like?
Two more Mondays and you’ll be in your office. And the changes it will bring with it. Who’s excited now?
I hear the scent of the rain saying it will be here all night. Let me turn my lights on.
As the days pass by the longing gets intense to the point that I don’t know what to do. I would like to not mind it to avoid having heavy breaths in between breaths but I don’t want to. The longing makes me happy. It’s my recluse to the tiresome routine.
Looking forward looking forward.
I can’t wait actually but what can I do but to wait? I know you feel the same way too. It’s because that we want each other very much I am surviving every day of this.
It’s raining.
And its interesting what the rain does to anybody’s feelings. An emotional catalyst. I myself cannot understand why there’s a sudden change of mood the moment I see raindrops. I am just sentimental. And that’s what’s making this so heavy. Don’t worry love. I am just this.
If you were here the rain could have meant another thing. I could have felt exactly the other way around. I could have still found myself writing to you. On your skin. The plans that we will do. But yeah, this separation is part of our plan right? So we are just writing plans on gray clouds, wait for the sun to come up, and write another one on a… pink sky. Ya like?
Two more Mondays and you’ll be in your office. And the changes it will bring with it. Who’s excited now?
I hear the scent of the rain saying it will be here all night. Let me turn my lights on.
43 why do i want my titles to rhyme?
Thank God it’s Friday.
What do I have for today? You! Love… you were specially sweet today. The whole day. That’s why when it was time for you to say goodnight I felt bad. Grrr. I wanted more of you. I always did. That’s why you know I always wake you up when I’m awake. Just bear with that selfishness. Call me selfish, I just want you. Always.
My prayers wear jumpers with your name on it. Yes, we are still working on it. I am getting impatient as the days pass by that I want to wake up to the morning of seeing you. (I am running around the room already). Love, I really don’t have anything in mind right now. I was just happy today that I have no reflection whatsoever I just want to bask in the joy that is us.
March 19, your first day in job! Feels good that He has answered our prayers. Pardon me for the scattered thoughts all around this page but I just can’t help it. I’m happy. Maybe it was because we were a bit sad for the past two days. You know what I mean but love! I’m energized! I feel glad when we are back to being just crazy sweet with each other.
Can I finish this letter now? Because it feels like high school again. I mean before I humiliate myself for acting like a mongrel. Here. I love you!
What do I have for today? You! Love… you were specially sweet today. The whole day. That’s why when it was time for you to say goodnight I felt bad. Grrr. I wanted more of you. I always did. That’s why you know I always wake you up when I’m awake. Just bear with that selfishness. Call me selfish, I just want you. Always.
My prayers wear jumpers with your name on it. Yes, we are still working on it. I am getting impatient as the days pass by that I want to wake up to the morning of seeing you. (I am running around the room already). Love, I really don’t have anything in mind right now. I was just happy today that I have no reflection whatsoever I just want to bask in the joy that is us.
March 19, your first day in job! Feels good that He has answered our prayers. Pardon me for the scattered thoughts all around this page but I just can’t help it. I’m happy. Maybe it was because we were a bit sad for the past two days. You know what I mean but love! I’m energized! I feel glad when we are back to being just crazy sweet with each other.
Can I finish this letter now? Because it feels like high school again. I mean before I humiliate myself for acting like a mongrel. Here. I love you!
Friday, March 02, 2007
44 charged to lore
Hello pretty
I just want to remind you
of your eyes that I can’t get tired of looking at because
they are like the sky
during five in the afternoon (i call it my “magic” hour)
and your smile too
that makes me want to
bend my knees and beg for them to be
on display
whenever I open my eyes. You are still the prettiest chic for me.
Remember that
I will never leave you even though I walked
down the stairs I can’t set foot
another step after ten seconds
of turning back from a painful argument. There
I am still in front of you, wanting to feel
my chest against your face that gripped
liquid from the night’s regret
when we could have had ended the struggle for us
to have a longer time of being awake and feeling each other
without pain. You are still the prettiest chic for me that I want to spend my life with.
Never forget
the you and me the us
just like our first hug that seemed to mean just
an embrace for refuge but we knew exactly that
it built us a house and made you pregnant four times
of two boys and two girls which also convicted me suddenly
to go where you want to
go even though I would have settled where I am
but I found my leg locked in yours just like what you do every night when we go to sleep, I find myself intertwined to you
and that’s the only memory that I am sealed
with, we are not sure what happened but we are.
You are still the prettiest chic that I want to spend my life with and I can’t wait
to see your eyes and your smile and say
Thursday, March 01, 2007
45 gun at eyesight
i'm sorry i haven't wrote a letter yesterday.
sometimes there are pains that you can't get over with then you must urge yourself to completely forget about it because it would really really really do you no good. that's what happened to us yesterday. i thought that my turthfulness will be rewarded with yes, i love you more because you told me that. but it wasn't what happened. which to trace the roots, it would be my fault. i don't know. and i wouldn't want to analyze anymore. both of us had spears in hand pierced to each other. emotions were barbaric yesterday. but as what i've said, to urge ourselves to completely forget it because it would really really really do us no good.
and so we move on.
that's why maybe people tend to give up on each other because of getting fed up with being barbaric that's why they turn back to being civil with each other. i don't want to lose you because of just some fight that wasn't even worth fighting for. most of the time we are just slashing ourselves and blame the other for the pain. i hope it would never happen again. i don't want to lose you just because of the pains of distance.
if there is something that i want to see in the end, it's you.
i hope yesterday taught us a lot. i meant that literally and otherwise. it was yesterday that i realized how much i can hold on to us. Us? we should be learning faith again. learning to hope. learning patience over and over. we didn't end up badly yesterday though. it's still love that's what's left at the end of the day.
sometimes there are pains that you can't get over with then you must urge yourself to completely forget about it because it would really really really do you no good. that's what happened to us yesterday. i thought that my turthfulness will be rewarded with yes, i love you more because you told me that. but it wasn't what happened. which to trace the roots, it would be my fault. i don't know. and i wouldn't want to analyze anymore. both of us had spears in hand pierced to each other. emotions were barbaric yesterday. but as what i've said, to urge ourselves to completely forget it because it would really really really do us no good.
and so we move on.
that's why maybe people tend to give up on each other because of getting fed up with being barbaric that's why they turn back to being civil with each other. i don't want to lose you because of just some fight that wasn't even worth fighting for. most of the time we are just slashing ourselves and blame the other for the pain. i hope it would never happen again. i don't want to lose you just because of the pains of distance.
if there is something that i want to see in the end, it's you.
i hope yesterday taught us a lot. i meant that literally and otherwise. it was yesterday that i realized how much i can hold on to us. Us? we should be learning faith again. learning to hope. learning patience over and over. we didn't end up badly yesterday though. it's still love that's what's left at the end of the day.