It’s maybe because we need to learn that this test of time and distance has to engulf us from different shores. This chapter has a story that costumes a paper torn of the beginning from the end. These times pour out half the cup of our portion, break chemistry into substances, split an oreo… to know what’s inside, to see what life is without the other. My lips curl downwards just by thinking of going on without a louiebelle. I can see my shadows will mimic you.

Argh. Where was I?

Ah. The little things, the halves, the pieces of us without the other only magnifies what we as one, are made of. God has the weirdest most sensible ways to teach us how to make the we. It’s Process to the effect basically.

In contrast to this time of division, we are building.

Lots of dreams, lots of dreams… you and me under one roof, to measuring the streets that are paved by fireflies in a post, to looking through the colors on the back of dvds stacked for a sleepless night, submerging in a world under a blanket, chasing dreams through our voices that stay up till the sun sleeps. Dreams, lots of dreams lots of dreams.

And to peel the mist that covers what comes:

You are having job interviews today. Thank you Lord for the two job interviews in a day! How is my little garl doing in the street of Melbourne? aye?

It’s good to know that the relationship is not stagnant. That when we fight we see to it that there should be a resolution after a fierce climax, yes we call it a climax too, or after whispers of breathing. If that doesn’t happen all the time, both of our efforts to get to that point will be always.

The thing about relationships is that it should float above the couple. Though unfortunately most of the time they are stomped by careless arguments and fights. We are not saved from that love, your culprit says. Each one’s denial of his or herself for the other still equates balance. We are learning in this. That when we’re hurt, we should confront each other with warmth. That one is almost on a pedestal.

Cycles of winter is still brewing to come our way. But i’d gladly face it. We have enough wood in the fireplace. Not to mention what will happen most of the time in that fireplace, while the fire peeps through the furnace.

Complicating thoughts aside, i have simple joys. To laugh with you. To eat with you. To walk with you. And all the with yous. That’s how a kid I am. All I want is to recite our rhyme.

And although I am but most of the time careless with emotions, this Humpty Dumpty that we have, is in the making, unbreakable.

Let me load this day with trigger-happy thoughts.

What is it between the both us that makes this life like it would never be the same because of you and me? What is it with what we have that makes this feel like a romantic comedy movie that everyone wants to see but never really telling that they did? What is it with this love that makes this painfully sweet, aggressively groping, passionately for forever.

Wait, there’s more.

For the so many memories that you have etched on my mind, that I’ll never forget by the way, I still can’t get over the fever of being with you. When they say its so good that you have packed a sack of candies before its over, so be thankful, I know that I don’t want the giveaways. I want the girlscout.

You maybe on the other side of the world but just like what was written here yesterday, it doesn’t mean we’re not together. We’re singing the same song. Even if you’re on the other side of the radio.

I don’t know how to speak of this, or if anyone else could relate to what we have, but its only us who know that of what we have. I am still making sense. If only poetry can speak prose, this would be easy to explain. Like we already hear what the other will say before we open our lips (I am supposed to finish this sentence with, “only to close them by a kiss” but I think it would be too much for the girlscout’s candies in my system). From properly giving you a ring for an engagement, telling your mom that we are going to get married, formality that is (but you already changed your family name on friendster), to being insanely, madly spending the turning of the earth together. Playing hide and seek on a flat that is ten steps wide. Or prom-dancing in public (what the heck is prom-dancing?), on an escalator. Or laughing for the reason of laughing or not really knowing the reason at all but we have a clue anyway, so slide away (you know what’s in my mind with that one). Or having a blast doing nothing the whole day.

When what matters most in this life is when I’m with you, which is also when nothing else matters.

The world turns around and I’m on the same spot where you are before it moved. I have your thoughts in my mind. I have what you feel in my heart. And I believe you are on the same spot where I am before the world will take a spin again.

Bang bang bang.

I am home, alone, today. The heat and intensity of the mid-afternoon carry with them a promise of cheerfulness yet suddenly, I was overcome by a strong surge of sadness being here.

You are everywhere: the bed, mismatched slippers strewn all over the place, your toothbrush kissing mine. It’s you all over yet you’re not here.

I am right now witnessing a fleeting glance of what our future days would be like---feeling each other’s presence, but never quite fully experiencing the joy of being each with each other.

I may be the one leaving, but that doesn’t take away the fact that I would find it hard too, to be apart from you. I feel it now and I know that we are going to have tougher days ahead.

But know this, love. There is nothing else in the world I want more than to have you there with me so we can go ahead with our plans and taste the world with our feet TOGETHER.

I love you very much, and I will exhaust all means to have you there with me soonest. This is my promise to you. No fears, seigfred. Im yours for keeps.

Louie
112006

Shall I tell you not to lose heart?

You have half of mine. Whenever you feel a cut in there, I bleed.

Shall I tell you our prayers would not come unanswered?

What you start in supplication ends at the tip of my words.

Or shall I tell you we are working hard for this, we want this, we are concentrated on this that’s why we can do it so don’t lose hope if you don’t have a job yet.

With only a little time spent with you compared to the couple of decades you spent here in the world, I am doubting my doubt if you are really alright. I am disturbed because I feel you are not alright and you say you worry because you don’t have a job still so I think there is really something wrong.

Shall you read the first 5 lines again? And continue reading the lines after this.

You have half of my heart.

You’re prayers and mine are the same.

You and I always.

Because I thought you were worrying all along. don’t ever.

Shall we?

I have a big nice smirk on my face.

It feels good to see the first digit change into something that means nearer.

Sorry I wasn’t with you while you we’re applying for 20 more jobs today. I have to keep up my with my job too. But. I am dreaming all day of the time that I will see your face. Yes. You still don’t have a job but hey, as we count the days down, the reality of that job will have its place in the calendar. You need not to struggle with that love.

I wanted to jump inside the screen when I saw you. I want to revolt though. 46 dollars for a webcam? We could have bought that for 300 bucks in megamall. But all that changed when you graced the monitor with your lovely countenance. Hands up.

I was whispering to myself , “do not go” when you left for that mall near your house. Thirty minutes of walking alone? Waiting for the bus alone? Going home alone? Tell me I am over reacting but pardon me love, I am just fiercely protective of you. You know that. Same as you don’t want me to buy a bike. Learning things there aren’t you little goil?

So what happened to us today?

Still hoping. Still dreaming. Worries should never take part in this. Because what we have; trusts. Protects. Hopes. And perseveres.

50 applications today!!!!

We’ll pray for that later on tonight. I hope that we can have positive replies from those.

Today I am again capsized by the truth that you are not by my side. We have promised though, not to get used to not long for each other. But the longing bites with cold fangs. Each day I can feel its every incisor gripping harder and harder. But it’s not a problem at all love. I am having the time of my life taking the pain. And I do "love" it. Literally. I am enjoying it because I have never felt this before.

So this is what it feels to be stricken by something that makes you go on.

Let me tell you a secret. We’re having this countdown right? I don’t know what day would be day zero of this. :) and I don’t want to find out. And please don’t tell me. That would be my surprise to myself. I’t can’t be april 15 because you left January 18^th and it’s 85 days.

Actually, as long as we are like this, as long as we are sustained by what we both share, I really don’t care how long we will be waiting for each other… even the longing…. Let’s just stay and grow even more in what was planted in our hearts.

Argh! 80 more days?!!!

Could you come near
like the
night at the doorstep?

shut
my lips
with your kisses

Pleasefoldtime.

Never never gets to come, as long as the long land
gives up skin--
drank the water of the seas’

islands, are my flashes
of you.

The short ting
of eyelids reverberate

and sing; your hair--
sways the sound of lullabyes.

I wish the days would all come down like a trail of dominoes. But I think when that happens, so are our days together. So it’s good that we rise when the sun does, we retire when the night calls and in between that, we enjoy the crawling of the clock.

5 days since the time you left. More than 2 months of waiting.

Nothing encouraging today. No income to help raise money for the visa. You passed 5 resumes to the supposed to be application blast.

But most of the time, when nothing is happening, something is brewing. The wind must blow easy so that fire can ignite. The rain must fall gently so that the buds don’t fall as the roots hold the water. The music must go slow for the heart to yield.

Let’s hear something out of the silence and see visions in the dark.

Faith. Hope. Love. The benefits of being apart put to practice. Can it be any sweeter than this?

Last night me and alan had a conversation about faith. Grrrr!! you are very beautiful in the picture. Anyways we had this conversation about faith. Did I just repeat what I wrote?

Faithful.

Faith believes on what is unseen and for that matter, it’s you, it’s you and me being together, it’s the future. It should not can’t happen! Lord… I am so happy for that answered prayer that was our vacation last December. The probability of the impossibility didn’t have a chance with His capability. Tyheee! And for this 85 days too.

It feels so good hearing your voice. You are so pretty in this pic. I need to see you soon.

I’m thinking, how many times have we been separated and how many times have I had that feeling of exhilaration that I am going to see you in minutes? The vacations, the office trip, you going home, me going home to you….I hope this time it will be for good.

Faith in God is such a pretty feeling too.

P.S.

I can't stop looking at the pic. Can you please come out of the phone? Grrrr!

Let me just apply this on my face like a steamed towel:

Though this house is empty, I see a couple on the black bed painting tomorrows at the bare ceiling. I hear the loud TV that didn’t have any attention. Hugs cover their eyes and kisses are shutting it off. The table wasn’t alone either. The past midnight serving of words and laughters are its feast. The walls reflect what it was when they were there. They are playing hide and seek- In my memory.

It’s time we fill another.

-11AM before surrendering the key

So! you are learning how to drive next week? I thought you know how to?

Hmmm lemme check i need to raise a 100k before the end of February? so meaning i have 40+ days more. which also means i have to earn 3k+ a day.

Let's do it hahahaha!

Last night, alan told me that there's this Call Center Company that his friend is working with and he said he'll give me kicks for referals in that call center. email blast again! i had 1 referal so far. this is funny. I hope i can get more tommorow. around 50 please Lord.

Hopeless?

i don't think so.

Just a while ago Salvation Army called me up and she's planning to sell our house and that supposed to be promising lot (the one that you said it's in the right side of the road?) to a business partner. She is selling it for just a bit more than 1m. and she'll dish in a 100gran for me.

Prayer answered on day 84.

But! I will still raise that 100k. We have to make sure we can do it. i want to sweat out that kind of amount. I don't want to just bum around and wait for the fruit to fall. reach baby reach.

"i'll see you in 85 days. "

That's what you said. And in reply, let me count the days.

i 've mentioned here that i will try my best to hoard as much finances as i can. and guess what? it's fun!

Email blast to everyone entitled:

I AM GETTING MARRIED

Yup. But before that--

I want to ask a favor from you. To take the next hurdle of the goal of, yes, getting married, I will be lodging my visa at the end of February and i need to go the extra mile with regards to this.

If any of you have freelance jobs for:

• Web Content Writer/Manager - I am managing a website (in terms of content) as of this time. The url is not yet available though.

• Voice Talent/Audio Video Production - I've worked in radio for almost 10 years. Have voiced numerous commercials. My prime is more of character/drama voicing.

• Events Planning and Management - I was in theater all my high school and college years and working on and off stage is very familiar with me.

• Copywriting - I was a producer in radio and that involved a lot of scriptwriting. Currently i conceptualize, direct and manage print ads for my company which will be posted on different designated countries (which involves a lot of marketing research).

I can also do brick laying, digging a hole, carpentry, mixing cement, just not that heavy work coz i broke my back just last year (LOL).

I need (after office jobs) your help. :)

Cheers!

---------

Guess what? Someone contacted me! Here-

Shella: elo! U po b ang ngpost sa bulltn? (I forgot to tell you that Agustin, my college friend who is now in ABSCBN Productions posted the email in their company's bulletin)

Me: Hi! Im seigfred! Oo ako yun. What can i do for you?

Shella: Kc want po me sna mg -1 ng videoke sa cd. kano po ba bayad u? (huwaaaaaat??? can you please read again the email? i don't do cd transpositions, i suggested brick laying, digging holes and other brute work but this? actually i can do it if i have the machine. heehee)

Me: Ok... i'll see what i can do and ill contact you tommorow. if i can do it. i am in ortigas and i'll let you bring the videoke cd there. I am actually raising up funds for my visa, i don't do this for profit so you may pay me with any amount that pleases you.

Shella: ngek! cge try ku po

LOL crazy. i'm expecting more of it on day 84.