what is it with longing that cripples?
i can't move, love. dont know what to do, how to have fun without you. matagal pa ba? =,(
i wanna start building already. first pay this week. :) which means i can already pay tita back for the registry thing we owe her. and i can also start saving up for the plane that will fly you to where i am.
yipee!
i'm finding myself swinging from emotion to emotion lately. switching from desperation to hopefulness to utter dejection and loneliness to faithfulness. love is the only constant.
are you holding my hand still? will you ever get sick of roller coasters?
please say yes. and no.
love is what is left at the end of the day.
From: melbourne, victoria, Australia
About me: i'm a wanderlust and a warrior of life. i have hordes of nomads and soldiers waiting to wander this sometimes barren and sometimes lush landscape of my head. i send them forth. they are my words. my weapon of choice: purple prose
posted by lei at 11:55 AM
flying at thirteen.
nying ang matu... dyna!!!
if i could only fly, love... i would've been visiting you every night after work. let you wash away all the tiredness and aches in my legs from my 4-hour travel to and from burwood every single day.
it's not easy being away from you, love. and that statement, by itself, is an insult to the intense feeling of longing we have for each other. how long before i see you? how long before i feel, smell, touch you? if mushiness could only be measured, i'd be liquid.
flowing down your body, covering every inch, touching every fibre, every bit of hair, every pore.
let me fill you.
if i could only fly, love... i would've been visiting you every night after work. let you wash away all the tiredness and aches in my legs from my 4-hour travel to and from burwood every single day.
it's not easy being away from you, love. and that statement, by itself, is an insult to the intense feeling of longing we have for each other. how long before i see you? how long before i feel, smell, touch you? if mushiness could only be measured, i'd be liquid.
flowing down your body, covering every inch, touching every fibre, every bit of hair, every pore.
let me fill you.
Sunday, April 01, 2007
(14) eleven
happy eleventh, fishtank.
look how far we've come.
-----
dreaming again. seems like i've been doing a lot of this lately. especially when i'm awake. look at what you do to me.
sunday. we wake up from a looong fun saturday night with friends. you have trouble rousing me. we realize we have to go to pastor B's service and rush to the shower. hail a cab to glorietta, grab a couple of breadtalk stuff, leave our trademark weekend CIQ bag in the grocery, share a cup of iced tea and march to cinema5. lunch either in mangan, gerry's, mongkok or a lunchmovie date munching on burgers. then a fun grocery session, with an HH little louiebelle. and a long cab ride home.
fix the fridge, prepare dinner. while talking and dreaming and laughing and playing in between. then tv dinner. and then a pinkbookreading session and prayer time. and a love-filled night under the sheets. and then peaceful sleep.
sounds realistic?
-----
in a few weeks' time, we'd be doing much like the same thing. but in a different, and colder setting. we'd have a bigger bed this time. and we'd be dining in different places. but everything would practically stay the same.
-----
happy eleventh, seigfred ko.
look how far we've come.
look how far we've come.
-----
dreaming again. seems like i've been doing a lot of this lately. especially when i'm awake. look at what you do to me.
sunday. we wake up from a looong fun saturday night with friends. you have trouble rousing me. we realize we have to go to pastor B's service and rush to the shower. hail a cab to glorietta, grab a couple of breadtalk stuff, leave our trademark weekend CIQ bag in the grocery, share a cup of iced tea and march to cinema5. lunch either in mangan, gerry's, mongkok or a lunchmovie date munching on burgers. then a fun grocery session, with an HH little louiebelle. and a long cab ride home.
fix the fridge, prepare dinner. while talking and dreaming and laughing and playing in between. then tv dinner. and then a pinkbookreading session and prayer time. and a love-filled night under the sheets. and then peaceful sleep.
sounds realistic?
-----
in a few weeks' time, we'd be doing much like the same thing. but in a different, and colder setting. we'd have a bigger bed this time. and we'd be dining in different places. but everything would practically stay the same.
-----
happy eleventh, seigfred ko.
look how far we've come.
15. saturday and i passed the drill today.
yet another saturday, seigfred.
i used to look forward to weekends. because weekends used to mean more quality time with you. doing nothing, lounging, people-watching, dreaming, having coffee, fooling around, adventuring, going to places, laughing, going out of town, and just simply BEING with you.
and by being, i mean becoming fully myself. growing to my fullest potential as a person. simply because you fill me with everything wonderful, and in turn, i have more of myself to give.
-----
now it's slightly different.
i just want to breeze through the weekends because it means flying through the week again, and it will bring me closer to the day when i finally put on a lovingly-knitted scarf around your neck to keep you warm, and to plant little loving kisses on your missed face. to have your hands that i love so much wrapped around my cold fingers. and to hear you sing "tulog na"before i finally drift to unconsciousness.
-----
i passed a drill today, love. although it still feels a bit off, i took hold of the reins. directed my sama ng loob to a more positive avenue.
i don't wanna say more. i trust you and i have faith in you.
i'm shelving the past.
-----
as long as you do, too.
i used to look forward to weekends. because weekends used to mean more quality time with you. doing nothing, lounging, people-watching, dreaming, having coffee, fooling around, adventuring, going to places, laughing, going out of town, and just simply BEING with you.
and by being, i mean becoming fully myself. growing to my fullest potential as a person. simply because you fill me with everything wonderful, and in turn, i have more of myself to give.
-----
now it's slightly different.
i just want to breeze through the weekends because it means flying through the week again, and it will bring me closer to the day when i finally put on a lovingly-knitted scarf around your neck to keep you warm, and to plant little loving kisses on your missed face. to have your hands that i love so much wrapped around my cold fingers. and to hear you sing "tulog na"before i finally drift to unconsciousness.
-----
i passed a drill today, love. although it still feels a bit off, i took hold of the reins. directed my sama ng loob to a more positive avenue.
i don't wanna say more. i trust you and i have faith in you.
i'm shelving the past.
-----
as long as you do, too.
bittersweet day16
weekend. and we're not together yet.
how much more waiting will it take, love? it weakens me sometimes, i've got to admit. but just the thought of being with you soon and finally having a life instead of just going through the motions perks me up.
the promise of you is finally getting there, love. in a few days' time, you'll finally lodge all the documents to the visa people and finally they'll put that stamp on your passport, and off you go.
we'll just be counting down days, gorgeous, as we have been doing for the past four months, since december. we have had more than enough practice, we can do it in our sleep.
my hands have blisters holding on. we've had our slips and slides, love. and sometimes the weight pulls us down. just a few more days, and there's no more need to be suspended. no more ropes, no more gravity pulls, no more violent shaking, no more blisters, wounds, cuts, bleeding.
we'll get there love.
it's lovely at the top. i'm sure of it.
-----
sa 'yo ko lang naramdaman, pag-ibig na walang hanggan...
(walang tigil na pag-ibig, kahit kailan ako'y ligalig, walang hanggan, sa'yo...)
i so love this song.
how much more waiting will it take, love? it weakens me sometimes, i've got to admit. but just the thought of being with you soon and finally having a life instead of just going through the motions perks me up.
the promise of you is finally getting there, love. in a few days' time, you'll finally lodge all the documents to the visa people and finally they'll put that stamp on your passport, and off you go.
we'll just be counting down days, gorgeous, as we have been doing for the past four months, since december. we have had more than enough practice, we can do it in our sleep.
my hands have blisters holding on. we've had our slips and slides, love. and sometimes the weight pulls us down. just a few more days, and there's no more need to be suspended. no more ropes, no more gravity pulls, no more violent shaking, no more blisters, wounds, cuts, bleeding.
we'll get there love.
it's lovely at the top. i'm sure of it.
-----
sa 'yo ko lang naramdaman, pag-ibig na walang hanggan...
(walang tigil na pag-ibig, kahit kailan ako'y ligalig, walang hanggan, sa'yo...)
i so love this song.
what love means. day17.
like every earthquake, we suffer from our own trembling aftershocks.
it is but natural to feel stabs and jabs of pain every now and then, love. we have been violently shaken the past couple of days, and the memories of the confusion are still fresh. but bear in mind that love is healing. let's apply balm to each other's wounds. *hagod hagod*
i will always remind you that i love you. and that will never happen again. we have to learn our winter's lessons, sweetie. otherwise, there's no point in overcoming what's negative, right?
we teach each other, point out what needs to be learnt. we encourage each other. we help each other up. and most of all, sometimes, we just need to know that the other is badly hurt as much. sometimes, we don't need to fight for each other. we just have to listen to the other's labored breathing to know that he is suffering too.
just one look love is what it takes. as i said last week i think, just a sliver of light to know that darkness is uncomfortable. darkness gives us temporary blindness. let's not embrace it.
we have a lot of things working against us now, distance is the biggest.
walk towards me, walk with me, save me.
-----
tonight's talk did wonders for us. it was much needed. and healing, too.
thank you love, for making and taking time. thank you for reaching out your hand. and thank you for calling out to me and urging me to grab it.
sometimes i need prodding too.
-----
and i had a lovely time sharing my spirit with you. yours dwells in my body as well, love.
all the time.
-----
even when it doesn't feel like it.
-----
i love you.
it is but natural to feel stabs and jabs of pain every now and then, love. we have been violently shaken the past couple of days, and the memories of the confusion are still fresh. but bear in mind that love is healing. let's apply balm to each other's wounds. *hagod hagod*
i will always remind you that i love you. and that will never happen again. we have to learn our winter's lessons, sweetie. otherwise, there's no point in overcoming what's negative, right?
we teach each other, point out what needs to be learnt. we encourage each other. we help each other up. and most of all, sometimes, we just need to know that the other is badly hurt as much. sometimes, we don't need to fight for each other. we just have to listen to the other's labored breathing to know that he is suffering too.
just one look love is what it takes. as i said last week i think, just a sliver of light to know that darkness is uncomfortable. darkness gives us temporary blindness. let's not embrace it.
we have a lot of things working against us now, distance is the biggest.
walk towards me, walk with me, save me.
-----
tonight's talk did wonders for us. it was much needed. and healing, too.
thank you love, for making and taking time. thank you for reaching out your hand. and thank you for calling out to me and urging me to grab it.
sometimes i need prodding too.
-----
and i had a lovely time sharing my spirit with you. yours dwells in my body as well, love.
all the time.
-----
even when it doesn't feel like it.
-----
i love you.
one-eight. goodbye to hate.
we're finally ok. though it took quite a while.
three hours, at the least.
i know next time i wouldn't turn into your i don't know/ewan ko girl again. i knew it hurt you, love, but i was hurting too. and i was really mad and i didn't wanna think about it anymore.
i know it's not reason enough and it's not a fair justification. in fact, i shouldn't have any reasons at all for being that. it won't happen again.
but next time, please don't insist on being right if you know you're not. accepting mistakes is embracing humanity and imperfection, love. remember you taught me how to become submissive?
we have got to learn being this to each other love. we can't always be right.
i love you. and i'm sorry for not knowing and not thinking and for giving you a hard time, love.
when i saw your face, i just couldn't bear being mean and bitchy anymore. let's learn how to hold each other's hands when we are going through rough times. we still have yet to learn this, love.
everyday is a struggle, and i'm glad i'm going through all these with you.
otherwise, we would have given up a long time ago.
i just know you're perfect for me when we had our first argument ever. this ain't the last, love, i'm sure, but we know better now, don't we?
-----
thanks for the wab. i felt warmer after that.
at the end of the day... we both know what. =)
three hours, at the least.
i know next time i wouldn't turn into your i don't know/ewan ko girl again. i knew it hurt you, love, but i was hurting too. and i was really mad and i didn't wanna think about it anymore.
i know it's not reason enough and it's not a fair justification. in fact, i shouldn't have any reasons at all for being that. it won't happen again.
but next time, please don't insist on being right if you know you're not. accepting mistakes is embracing humanity and imperfection, love. remember you taught me how to become submissive?
we have got to learn being this to each other love. we can't always be right.
i love you. and i'm sorry for not knowing and not thinking and for giving you a hard time, love.
when i saw your face, i just couldn't bear being mean and bitchy anymore. let's learn how to hold each other's hands when we are going through rough times. we still have yet to learn this, love.
everyday is a struggle, and i'm glad i'm going through all these with you.
otherwise, we would have given up a long time ago.
i just know you're perfect for me when we had our first argument ever. this ain't the last, love, i'm sure, but we know better now, don't we?
-----
thanks for the wab. i felt warmer after that.
at the end of the day... we both know what. =)