thank you Lord for this nth chance.
life slowly and unceasingly unfolds its petals to reveal more and more opportunities for our own rebirth. this is what i learned last night.
i have always regarded myself as a free spirit. some dear friends whose ties with me link from whence we were children consider me as "the one who jumped off the cliff while they watched comfortably in the shade at the edge of the precipice". yes, i'm a bit subversive, but i view skirting the hems (or sometimes even overstepping the line) of boundaries and limitations a convenient justification to redeem myself for a wrong done by another, and questioning conventional rules and authority an option to enhance my faculty to debate and prove my twisted version of truth.
without knowing exactly when, something happened, that had been a defining moment in my life. the ultimate crossroad. i might even dare to call it maturity, but i would like to believe that i have been given my chains. shackled to the very principles that i longed to uphold yet bold-facedly tried to spite.
i met a man who drew the lines for me. someone who plied me into submission just because of the value of his presence in my life, who taught me that compliance does not necessarily signify being tied, that retaliation does not equal justice, and that freedom is relative not absolute.
last night, the seditious in me threatened to resurface. the lines have long been drawn. but at some point, i had to make a decision. remain bound to the pain of betrayal or offer my anguish to the Supreme Healer. which side of the line i'm staying, is my own choice to make.
after years of indulging in the folly of youth, of doing as i damn well please, of acting on impulse instead of giving things thought, i, this time, submit. to what ought to be done to mend.
healing is impossible if i do not trust His heart. this is what i was told last night. therefore, i shall continue to proudly showcase my scars until i coat myself with courage. i will continue to shed tears and blood until i develop a faith that is deeply rooted as a sequoia. and i will continue to give birth to myself until i... become.
submission is not a form of defeat. retaliation does not always beget justice. letting go is sometimes the best way to hold on.
my chain, my freedom.
my surrender.
love is what is left at the end of the day.
From: melbourne, victoria, Australia
About me: i'm a wanderlust and a warrior of life. i have hordes of nomads and soldiers waiting to wander this sometimes barren and sometimes lush landscape of my head. i send them forth. they are my words. my weapon of choice: purple prose
Thursday, September 21, 2006
my chain, my freedom
posted by lei at 2:04 PM
4Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud 5or rude. Love does not demand its own way. Love is not irritable, and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged. 6It is never glad about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. 7Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.
8Love will last forever...
this is what i read in this entry :)